1:34 a.m. - 2003-02-13
Let's talk about sex, baby.
Location is overrated, I think. You hear stories of people having sex in the weirdest places, and I can't help but think that it's only done to have a good story to tell afterwards. I mean, really. Airplane bathrooms? Are barely comfortable for one person, never mind two people actually trying to do something. Beaches? You get three grains of sand in the wrong place and come tell me how sexy that is. Ouch.
Hot tubs? Oceans? Mmm, chafey. Let's get totally dried out and then have sex. Woo! Also, water? Not very conducive to the safe use of certain forms of birth control. Sure, it's fun to float round weightless, and hey, I'm all for fooling around in water, but actual sex? No thanks.
Outside? Meh. Bring on the tent sex - believe me, I am fully aware of the extremely arousing nature of confined spaces, sleeping bags, and ambient nature sounds. But in the middle of the woods? With tree roots and pine needles poking into places they really shouldn't be? I'll pass, thanks. Fooling around? Damn right. Sex pressed up against a barky, scratchy tree? Um. No.
Even around the house, I'm not convinced that location is everything. Kitchen floors? Usually pretty cold. Counters? Dude, you cook on those! Sure, you can wash them all you want, but you'll still know exactly what you got up to on there. I'll give you in front of a fireplace quite cheerfully - the combination of the flickering light and the crackling wood pretty much screams sexy, but there damn well better be a blanket under me because carpet burn isnot my idea of a rousing good time. Shower? I think wiping out and knocking myself unconcious would probably kill the mood. Showers are perfect for certain activities - hey, instant clean up! - but let's be realistic here.
I think beds are woefully underrated. Comfortable, spacious, private, convenient blankets for cold days. Nearby supplies in the bedside table. Ease of rolling around. Hand for instantly falling asleep after wearing each other out. How can you go wrong? Sure, the stories might not be as good, but the sex is almost always better.
Don't even get me started on cars. Dude. I drive a Neon. Do you know how small my backseat is?!
