4:27 p.m. - 2005-02-04
N is for Neville, who died of ennui
Oh, hello, poor neglected journal. I'm sorry that I've been ignoring you in favour of my book log, among other things. I've found myself with a growing feeling of ennui towards the Internet lately, and it's leaving me rather uninspired to update.
That, and there's not too much to be updating about these days. I work, I sleep, I go to the gym, I read, I talk to my friends occasionally, I watch Buffy when Diana and I manage to be home at the same time, and I bitch about being bored of the Internet. This is not a life that's conducive to edge of your seat updates.
Jamie's grad recital was last weekend, and it was fantastic. I am proud of him and relieved and happy that it went so well, and I'm also kind of jealous, a little bit, that he's doing something that he's obviously so good at. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm good at my job too, and I still really like it which, given that it's a year tomorrow that I've been working at the library, is damn impressive, as this is the longest unbroken stint of work that I've ever hard, but it's not really very impressive. Jamie's concert? Was impressive. It's been a while since I've done anything impressive.
Problem is, I don't really know what impressive thing I want to be doing. I don't want to go back to school. Not full time school, anyway, in a very structured sort of way. I'm toying with the idea of taking some kind of writing class, because I desperately miss having formal writing assignments, and I'm so lousy at motivating myself that I think the external assignments would do me good.
I think, though, that my problem is that I've actually turned into a pretty decent adult. I work, I work out (regularly, even), I cook, I eat well, I manage my money somewhat responsibly, I keep a budget, I write occasionally, and I plan obsessively for Disneyland. (That part is not so adult.) But overall, I'm just living. I'm not having spectacular rages of anger or fights with anyone, I'm not teetering on the edge of despair, I'm not wavering on the brink of financial doom. I'm not writing any life-altering stories or articles or essays, I'm not taking the world by storm in any way shape or form, and I'm not planning any new life-altering adventures. Sure, there are big things happening this year, but I'm kind of used to all of them. The fact that I'm getting married is not big news any more - I'm kind of used to it. Going to Disneyland next month is still stupidly exciting, but it's not exactly new either.
I've been working in the same job, more or less, for a year. I've been living in my delightful apartment with my wonderful roommate for more than six months. I've been engaged for eleven months, with less than six months until the wedding.
The big stuff is coming, I know. And when I'm running around in Disneyland, or only two months away from the wedding and getting a little frantic, I will certainly not be lacking for excitement. But right now, I could use a little more excitement in my life, I think. I don't know what I want to happen - I certainly don't want any change in my job, or my apartment, or my eating/spending/working out habits, which are getting to be respectable at last. But I wouldn't mind it if I had a little bit of excitement here. A million dollars dropped into my lap, maybe, or the offer of a publishing contract. You know. The usual.
But it's unlikely, so I'll keep trundling along in my perfectly delightful if somewhat unexciting life. After all, it's only seven weeks till we go to Disneyland, and that should be enough excitement for at least a month.
