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3:02 p.m. - 2003-02-28
The cruellest month
April, I'm taking away your title. I've analyzed the data, studied the evidence, contemplated the obvious. While it might once have been true for you, April, this year has proved otherwise.

February is the cruellest month.

This month has just made me feel like my heart is going to break. This week has possibly been the worst week ever, and that, for once, is no exaggeration. I can't remember ever feeling this sad, this lonely, this depressed. I'm cold all the time, and I'm constantly on the verge of tears. My eyes ache today from the crying. I look like I haven't slept in days. I feel like I haven't slept in days. I barely have slept in days. Just as I was beginning to feel like maybe I could make it through the rest of this term, this week has hit me like a ton of bricks and left me reeling, barely even standing any more.

I miss Laurie, and my heart is aching.

I have a pretty confused idea of religious matters - I was raised as nothing in particular, and I've stayed that way, but this week has given me some strange sort of faith that there is something more than just this. Some part of my brain just seems to know that up in heaven, Laurie and Mr Rogers have formed the greatest welcoming committee in the history of heaven. I hope they're friends already. I can't think of two better people to be waiting for you on the other side. Take care of our Laurie, Mr Rogers. She's the best neighbour you could ever wish for.

I want to say that I'll be able to shake off February and give myself a fresh start in March. I wish I knew that I could. I'm hoping my birthday (next Thursday, for those of you not graced with my daily updates on how long it is until my birthday) will pick things up a bit, and we're having a big ol' triple birthday dinner with my family tomorrow that will hopefully be fun. Fun sounds like it's what I need right now. It feels like it's been a long time since I had any fun.

See you later, February. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

How can the shortest month of the year feel like the longest month of my life?

 

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